8 years ago on a fricken cold snowy Tuesday evening after classes, I married one hunky guy! I married a guy that would teach me more than I ever thought possible. He has taught me about patience, love, and so much about myself even.
What has 8 years of marriage been like for us? Well, its been one heck of a roller-coaster, that’s for sure! We literally got married in the middle of his first deployment to Kuwait back in 2011, we have moved 6 times, bought two houses, sold one home, had multiple career changes, brought Raegan into the world, lost a baby, and now we are already looking into another deployment coming up in the next year or so. WOW! Just writing it all out makes me exhausted to even think about. Yes, it makes me exhausted, but I wouldn’t change any of it. Even the bad stuff. I wouldn’t change it, because we dealt with everything that has been thrown at us, together. I can’t imagine going through this crazy life without him by my side.
Throughout these years I’ve learned so many things, some of the things I was told early on but was too naive to listen. Some things I’ve learned the absolute hard way. Obviously I am not marriage counselor nor do I think I have the knowledge necessarily to give out advice, but here are the biggest things I have learned throughout our marriage!
- Deviating from the “plan” is okay! As a Enneagram 3w2 I love planning. My day, my week, holiday’s, and my life. However, coming straight from an Army wife, planning is not always easy. And coming from someone who has seen first hand that nothing goes as planned, even if you try really really hard, things will happen the way they are meant to. But I’ve learned that it’s okay. In another life, I would have a 3 year old and a 1 month old. However, that isn’t how it worked out. And with another deployment on the horizon, the “plan” of having another child isn’t happening. And that’s okay! Boy has it been hard to wrap my head around, but it is okay!
- Sometimes going to bed angry is better than saying something that could really hurt someone. I’ve heard my mom actually give this advice before. I found it so fascinating because I’ve always heard the phrase ” never go to bed angry”. But I love this version better. Sometimes its better to take a breather and start over the next day when emotions have time to “cool down”. Brett and I are both stubborn and sometimes we’ve had to just start over the next day.
- Let the other person fold the laundry the way they like to! I know it seems silly and weird, but its not just about laundry! I’m completely guilty of wanting to do all of the things because I like the way I do them better. Not that Brett technically does anything “wrong” but, because he doesn’t do it like me, and the way I would do it. Childish, yes I know. But when it comes down to letting him help me vacuum the house, or assisting me in folding the laundry, you better bet I will be holding in all of those tendencies that could actually push him away from wanting to help! Besides, he is probably just as picky as me when it comes to folding the laundry 😉
- Every crisis, every obstacle is handled like its us against the world. The problem isn’t something just one of us can handle or fix. It’s something we work on as a team. Even if it is a problem one of us is having, the other is right there with support working through the problem together.
- DO NOT COMPARE YOUR MARRIAGE TO ANY OTHER MARRIAGE! Yup, we have all been guilty of it at some point. “I wish you held my hand as much as those two do!” or “Have you even seen them kiss? Do they even like each other?”. Our marriage is just that, ours! We get to make the rules and we get to decide how we do things. The minute we start comparing we are losing track of the important things and what we love about our spouses. Just cause one thing works for one marriage, doesn’t mean it will work for another.
- Dating is so important for us! We try for one date a week. Some weeks we go out for dinner and a movie, and some weeks we relax in the Jacuzzi after playing some Yahtzee! We take time to just be with one another, without distractions.
This has been one hell of a 8th year, but I certainly can’t wait to see what year 9 has in store for us!
In the words of our best friend Jeremy during his Best Man speech, “so far, so good!” 8 years down, forever to go!
Right after our intimate courthouse wedding! Such young Newlyweds!
Cutting our cake at our second ceremony with friends and family after Brett came home from Kuwait in 2012.
Fall 2019 ❤